On Sartorial Matters

“He know I’m a fashion killa, word to John Galliano.”

A few weeks ago, my friends asked me when/why/how I first got into fashion. And by “got into fashion,” I mean, when did I become the girl that treats every 5 minute trip out of the apartment as an excuse for a full costume change? When did I become the girl who spends her evenings scrolling through Depop and TheRealReal in pursuit of her latest style obsession (right now it’s Margiela Tabi boots)? You get the gist - the aisles of Trader Joes are my runway.

Initially I chalked it up to something that I just grew into. And that is not a theory that should be discounted. Somewhere, deep in the crannies of my parents’ storage room, there are grainy photos of me wearing orange basketball shorts and a cyan cable knit hoodie with tortoise shell buttons. Anna, have your people call my people.

But then, during a recent late night pondering, it clicked: my real interest in fashion, beyond my adolescent urge to look cute and trendy in the latest Urban Outfitters seasonal styles, kicked in when I stopped performing.

Listen, I’ve been performing since I was two. It started with mommy-and-me movement classes, then forayed into violin recitals, plays, speech and debate competitions, choir performances. And of course through it all, there was ballet. I spent the first 20-odd years of my life rehearsing and performing, stepping in and out of a conveyer belt of different costumes and roles. It was giving Rachel Berry.

And then I quit cold turkey.

I wasn’t supposed to - I was supposed to have a ceremonious and meaningful final performance before I hung my pointe shoes up and moved on to the next chapter in my life. But then covid hit, etc, etc. You know the story.

I think it was at that time that I really started to look at fashion as an art form. I started to see it as a form of self expression, like every outfit I put on is a slightly different variation of myself. A character, if you will. Instead of lacing myself into a tutu, coating my pointe shoes in rosin, and stationing myself at the edge of a wing, I’m choosing a pair of pants from my closet, picking a shirt to go with them, and deciding if I want to tap into my street style side with my trusty 550s, or channel Matilda Djerf with a pair of pointed toe kitten heels.

I joke that when I wear cowboy boots, I’m larping as a cowboy. It’s a good joke, a great joke even. But isn’t that in essence what we’re all doing every day? Picking our outfits based on how we want to feel about ourselves, or how we want to present ourselves to the world? Pulling on pieces that will make us feel the most comfortable in the spaces we’re going to inhabit, or with the people we’re going to be around. I know if I pair my Issey top with some slouchy work pants I’ll feel edgier, like I’m tapped into a more masculine energy. But if I pick my vintage 2000s era JPG dress with the crochet detailing, it’s probably because I’m feeling sassy and coquettish. Watch out boys.

Fashion, or more specifically, personal style, has become my new way to perform. I pick out every outfit so intentionally, because it’s an extension of me. It’s the tangible manifestation of whatever part of my personality is feeling particularly strong that day, or that hour, or that coffee run. It’s performative, and yet it’s grounded firmly in my reality.

When I asked people to tell me about what inspires them to pick out an outfit, the responses were fascinating. Of course I know in theory that style means something different to everyone, but this really cemented it for me. Here are a few of my favorites:

“Something that is comfortable but also that someone would compliment maybe.”

“Comfort in my body and knowing my fit is 100% a me fit.”

“I like to find something that is gender affirming and comfy.”

“Nothing.”

“If I’m either getting a hot coffee or an iced coffee.”

“I think for me it’s simplicity with an air of pronunciation. Old French movies inspire my looks.”

“I think I’m most motivated by wanting to put my own spin on trends I see… also to flex on em.”

Here’s mine:

I’m inspired by whatever facet of my personality I feel most in tune with that day. I’m inspired by timeless styles, but I also like to experiment and put my own twist on things. Feeling put together brings me peace of mind.

xo, Ellie